Single in Saint Louis: Law School/ Law

Lawyer Barbie

Wed, 21 May 2008 12:04:05 GMT

I am a little miffed at Mattel. Little Ms. Barbie has officially been a pilot, a flight attendant, various 'female' jobs, a school teacher, a nurse, a doctor, and even an engineer. Barbie has never been a lawyer or judge. I discussed this with the salsa girls. What does lawyer Barbie wear? What does she carry? How cool could she be? Mattel take note, I expect a lawyer Barbie on shelves everywhere by next year. Here is the general consensus on what lawyer Barbie should come with...

Lawyer Barbie should be wearing the obligatory black skirt suit. She is a fashionable lady so it should be an up to date suit fashion. No long jackets or anything. She should have on a pair of cool heels. And just for drama sake, a pair of sunglasses. A couple of framed diplomas and a law license. She should carry a briefcase and a Blackberry. Only Lawyer Barbie doesn't stop there. She should also have a set of case files, and in the interest of keeping children intelligent, the case files can unfold and be mind games. Mind games that to answer you have to go to a research database on the Barbie website and answer a bunch of logic questions and read a lot of "laws" to figure out. You could even market a Barbie courthouse.

The Barbie courthouse is where Barbie would be able to be to represent the Bratz dolls for indecent exposure, truancy, and possibly child custody cases. Barbie does understand the stigma placed on dolls that are a little risque. It wasn't so long ago that she had the corner on the market of inappropriate dolls for little girls. However, she is now far outshined by the Bratz.

Not to mention, Barbie went through a rather pressing divorce from Ken a few years back. It is my understanding they are dating again, but that certainly her inspiration to get a law degree. She is huge into real estate, and not only does she have a lot of investments, she has learned to actively manage all her properties. She has turned the Malibu Dreamhouse into a rental, and now turns a profit giving her plenty of free cashload to do pro bono work helping families find children and pets to adopt, representing the poor, and rallying as an active voice against animal abuse and neglect and in favor of environmental reforms.

On that same note, Barbie and Ken will never be the same again after their divorce. Let's find Barbie a new man so she stops the unhealthy cycle of the on again off again relationship. Barbie needs someone fresh and new. Maybe someone who is respectable and doesn't just surf all day. I mean Lawyer Barbie is a career lady and deserves more than that. She deserves an intellectual guy who just happens to be very good looking and that can hang with her finances. In other words Barbie needs a good solid businessman. No more playing with the boys. It is time Barbie found a real man, rather Mattel made a man for her. Lawyer Barbie is not settling for a Ken.

Feel free to add any additional ideas in the comments.

Redirecting Energy

Tue, 20 May 2008 11:05:57 GMT

There is one wonderful thing about being in the process of starting your own business. When things are a little blah in your personal life you can throw yourself entirely into an area that really needs you, work. I stare at my business expenses and income. I am trying to break even, it's kind of an insane prospect since I am in a period of uping the ante on overhead, but it doesn't hurt to try. I started this law firm with such low overhead, and now it is ready to go to the next level.

There are so many decisions to be made. There is marketing, budgeting, organizing, and thousands of other tiny layers all of which have to be in order before I launch full force into this firm. My successes will be my own. My failures my own. It is exciting and scary all at the same time.

It is helpful to know I am not alone in my hang your own shingle boat. I have several friends who have done the same thing. All of us are learning at the same time, helping one another get off the ground. Sharing networks, advice, mentors, etc. Hoping at least a few of us succeed. I hope I am one of those.

There is nothing to say that in six months to a year I won't be searching for an associate position. I could be one of those people whose business fails, but it wouldn't be the first time I have faced a failure, and really failures are just detours anyway. It isn't an easy decision to leave the comfort of knowing that there will always be someone higher on the food chain, to be the one who is the highest on the food chain. It isn't easy at all. It comes with risk, but nothing in life ever got done without taking a risk.

What if that risk is a success? What if in the next few years I bring in enough business to hire an associate of my own? Oh, but it is a grueling process. Filled with dotting I's crossing T's , building networks, negotiating services, and making business plans that will probably not work according to plan. Baby steps.

But that is what I signed up for in doing this. I know that. It was just a few months ago when I set up this law firm with the hopes of getting an office. I have the office. I am ready for goal 2. Build the business, make it real,

I am happy to say that my business really needs me right now. It is a nice break from thinking about broken engagements. It is a way to get my mind off of the trauma that is my personal life. It is a way to refocus when my brain starts to think too hard about what might have, but probably never would have, beens. It is awesome to have someplace to redirect all that energy, and to redirect it into something new and growing, into something you are creating with every decision you make or do not make. And who knows where it will all go from here.

A little blast from the past...

Sat, 15 Mar 2008 03:46:45 GMT

Occasionally on this blog I scan through my stats to see what people read. I would like to thank the person who read my entry from April 8, 2006. I would like to thank you because it had something in it I have been looking for, and I can't quite put my finger on what.

You see, I wrote that entry at the end of my law school career before I started my life after school. I wrote it with a little idealism still in me. An idealism, I still have, and that I hope I never lose. Lately, I have been feeling a little lost with my career (although things are going very well for being completely lost). My April 8 entry just redirected my focus again and reminded me of why I am in this field and what exactly it is I love about it, people. I wouldn't have read it, had you not read it. I just wanted to thank you.

Single

Lawyers in Relationships

Tue, 23 Jan 2007 11:11:36 GMT

“Lawyers work outrageous hours and make a lot of money and it’s all for show. It was all so uptight and pretentious,” she says. “I just couldn’t see myself a part of it long-term.”

I read this quote yesterday in an article that I can no longer find on MSN. (too much has happened in a day, if any other blogger can find the link please send it to me through my email on the site). It prompted a lot of thought on my part. Obviously, this woman was dating one of the uptight stodgy attorney types who hasn’t learned to balance his life, or possibly making excuses for her failed relationship, but for the first time I feel like I should defend my profession...a little.

Perhaps it is the bar exam going to my head. However, as a person who has dated a few lawyers in my day and is hopefully soon to be one herself, I have a little advice. When you date a lawyer or you have a lawyer in your family, you have to realize you are involved with a servant.

Pretty much lawyers are servants to whoever hires them, or, if they are in public service, the people who can’t afford to hire someone to help them. As with any person who is a servant, (doctors, firemen, police officers) this often puts a strain on personal relationships. When you are dealing with a lawyer who doesn’t see a need to balance his time or whose priorities are making a lot of money over spending time with his family or girlfriend, then there is even more of a strain on personal relationships. That is because every person who needs them is going to take precedence over whoever they are in a relationship with.

It sounds awful, I know. However, there are different types of lawyers. Yes, the uptight stodgy in it for the cash type exist in full and they are also usually arrogant and hot tempered. If you think about it, wouldn’t you be if you worked 400 hours a week voluntarily and had no time for yourself? To these lawyers their job becomes their life, and because their job is their life to take them away from their job is to kill them and everything that they are or want to be.

There are lawyers who “pay their dues.” These lawyers might seem uptight and stodgy for awhile, but loosen up as they become more secure in their career. I would venture to say this is the vast majority of lawyers. The initial “get used to your career” period is tough. It involves learning to balance life and work and sometimes those priorities get thrown off by the learning curve. Give a lawyer 5 years being a lawyer. You will see a huge difference in their personality. It will be easy to tell if they are the uptight stodgy type or the more balanced type.

There are also lawyers that are crazy laid back. They value their personal lives, and are willing to make career sacrifices to make sure that their personal lives stay happy. It might mean they don’t make as much money or they don’t ever become a partner of a law firm. As long as this type of lawyer is ok with making those sacrifices, its not a big deal. However, if you date a lawyer who is unhappy with the sacrifices they have to make in their career for a happy personal life, then you might run into even bigger difficulties than dating a lawyer who “pays his dues” or “is stodgy and uptight.” The problem is that when you enter this profession everyone makes it about isolation and effort. Most students going into the legal profession straight from school don’t really know what they want in life and because they have been through the strenuousness (not sure that is a word) of law school, where all your time is regulated by what subject you have to study or not study next, lawyers can’t balance their time. Once you are in the profession a lot of firms do not see a lawyer who values their personal life as much as their career as valuable or as anything more than a work horse. When in all honesty, if the personal life is happy, then the person is going to be happier in their career.

There is also this whole fallacy that lawyers are all about money. It is not entirely untrue. There are lawyers that exist that are all about money. However, there are also lawyers (and I think more lawyers) that are all about people. The reason they make phone calls late into the night, sacrifice their personal lives, and fail to achieve the delicate balance between work and life is because they genuinely care about their clients, and what those client’s need. For most it isn’t just about a paycheck to pay off the six figure student loans as quickly as possible, but it is about helping other people during difficult times in their lives.

If you are going to date a lawyer and want one who values their life or is in a position to give you some time, here are some tips:

1. Date a lawyer who has been a lawyer for at least 3 to 5 years. Unless, you knew them well before they were a lawyer, and have made it through the transition of them becoming a lawyer.

2. Check to see if they are married. If they are going through a divorce, wait until it is final to get involved.

3. Work is going to follow them everywhere. Just recognize that this is going to happen and laugh with them about it when it happens. Most likely, they think it is just as funny and slightly annoying as you do.

4. If they work at a huge top law firm, they are going to have less time for you. Know that going into the relationship and don’t be so upset when they cancel on you.

5. If they work for a smaller law firm, realize that sometimes work is going to come home with them.

6. If they work for themselves, they are probably going to be busier than someone working for a huge top law firm, but will have some freedom to do as they choose. However, work will follow them everywhere too.

7. Most judges are lawyers too. (I knew a woman who was dating a judge and didn’t realize he was a lawyer.)

8. There is a lawyer subculture and you aren’t always going to understand what they are A) talking about and B) doing.

9. Don’t expect them to talk about their day. First, they probably don’t want to talk about it. Second, they probably are under a professional obligation not to talk about it. But if you know they had a trial that they won or they tell you they “won that motion” those are good things. Congratulate. If they tell you they lost a trial or “lost that motion” these are bad things, console as if their puppy had just died.

10. You will be held to a higher standard of confidentiality in your relationship as you get closer to a lawyer. The closer you are the more you have to keep your trap shut about intimate details of your relationship. There is a public and a private life you will have to know how to balance. The two things can’t be intermingled.

11. Be Patient, understanding, and did I mention patient? Things aren’t always going to happen right when you want them to and the way you want them to. Sometimes you are going to have to wait. Sometimes for days. But it will be worth the wait. Because if you end up falling in love... You have someone who cares so much for other people that they dedicated their life to them, who cares most about you. It ultimately means that you are more important than every client they have and their client could be anybody in the world. Which means, you are more cared for and important than anybody in the world. How bout them apples?

Bar Study 2.0

Tue, 23 Jan 2007 11:10:20 GMT

“Am I really doing this again?” My brain hurts with just the thought of it. I don’t want to get out of my car and walk into the lawschool. I don’t want to believe I am actually going to sit through another group of Barbri lectures. I don’t want to believe I am actually going to go home this afternoon to study all the rest of the day. But, I am.

I park the pimpstress mobile outside of the lawschool. I can’t bear the thought of going in. Not after I rid myself of that school. I tap my fingers on the steering wheel and feel the pains of lawschool past rush through me. I pick up the phone, “Exboyfriendnowboyfriend, I need encouragement to walk in the door to the lawschool. I still am not fond of this place.” A voicemail. I really do have to do this on my own.

I scavenge for change in the console of my car. It magically appears to make my day a little easier. I grab my handy dandy barbri lecture outline, and go inside. Discipline...Discipline. I sit in the barbri lecture room with no one around me to distract me. I don’t want this to turn into a social hour for me. I am here for one reason only, so that later on, I can have a social hour.

I open the book. The familiar words and blanks I have spent so much time with are scattered down the page. It appears I am spending more time with them. I shut the book, and listen to the conversations of the new bar candidates around the room. Spastic. Scared. Confused. All things I remember being in a bar past. Now, I am just annoyed. Annoyed to have to be doing it again. I would much rather be annoyed than being going through any of the feelings of the first time.

I think of everything they are going to have to do. Read the barbri outline time and time again, some will become overwhelmed by the mass information and have a breakdown, some will make flashcards, some will spend 18 hours a day studying and one hour sleeping. They are spazzed about the actual exam, what it will be like, where it will be, what topics might be on it, how the questions are worded, whether or not they had a subject in law school, which part to score better on, essay or multiple choice, and most likely, they will sit the night before the bar exam in a complete panic eating peanut butter and jelly sandwiches so they don’t puke from all the nerves. Some will still puke.

The second time you study, it is not the same. There isn’t a newness. There is a drive. A need to pass. A need to pass which grows stronger after finding out that this summer, in Missouri, they are offering more subjects for the essays. More subjects means more to memorize verbatim. I hate memorizing. I am passing this time. No option. The lack of an option to memorize puts me at ease even with my greatest fear, remembering nothing. I remember, remembering nothing. Opening the test booklet this summer to the very first question. A question that will burn in my memory forever. I couldn’t tell you the first thing the question was about. I cannot recite it to you. I can tell you what the heading said at the top of the page, “Remedies” and I can tell you that in Missouri that means “Equity” and that I didn’t know how to even start to understand what I was writing. I also know I got some miserly points on the essay, but at least it was some points. It was my weakest subject on the essays. I knew it when I wrote the essay. In fact, I knew it before I even started the essay.

The topic for Bar Review today is Equity. I listen intently to the lecture guy. Maybe, just maybe this time I will get it. It isn’t one of those subjects I am having to review. It is one I have to learn, or so I think. The first time through the outline, it clicks. I start toward my car and feel a huge burden lifted from my shoulders. Everything just made sense. Without any further studying I could write an essay the equivalent of or better than my last summer essay. I am certain.

After, while walking to the car I run into two blasts from the past, law school people, not students, but people who work there. “You look great.” I search for inner meaning in this comment. I also realize I didn’t really put any effort into getting dressed this morning. My hair isn’t fixed, I have on no makeup, and I am wearing jeans and a t-shirt. There is no inner meaning, they clarify, “You look incredibly happy.” I realize I must have been smiling thinking about how everything I feared about taking this exam again was now at ease. I can tell it is odd for them to see someone about to take the bar exam, especially a second time taker, who looks happy. Happiness is an oddity at a law school.

“I am, things are great! Way better than they were a few months ago.” It is true. They keep looking at me like my happiness is the strangest thing they have ever seen. I wonder if my spark is back? I think it is. It makes me smile more. I go home and finish out my study schedule for the day. This summer, my schedule, which was virtually the exact same, seemed overwhelming. Now, it is totally doable.

At 5:05 I call my mother to tell her I am alive, and that I survived my first day of studying again. I have a quick conversation with my 5 month old nephew, and tell my family goodnight. I call Exboyfriendnowboyfriend. Someone who just might understand. “I don’t feel like an idiot anymore!” It is my first exclamation when he picks up the phone. “Yeah! You are not an idiot. That’s a good start! How did Barbri go?” “Great! I understood everything and am working on memorizing the subject now.” I unintentionally jump up and down remembering how last summer I wasn’t even ready to start memorizing until early July. “Can you come flash flashcards at me?” “Sure. You are already to flashcards?”

“Well it isn’t like I had to learn anything new, I just have to memorize some more stuff than I memorized last time.” That is when I realized it. This is kind of fun, and under no circumstances would studying for the bar be fun had I not already studied for it before. As Exboyfriendnowboyfriend and I flash through the flashcards my confidence builds a little more. I know more than I knew that I know. That is a good feeling.

I pity the first time bar exam takers. If they ask me how scary it is, I tell them it is totally doable. No one believes me. If they ask what I did last night, I tell them that too. I did some flashcards, had dinner, watched Americas Next Top Model on VH1, and slept, albeit not well. In fact, I had a dream about high school pom pon tryouts. Remembering that anxious pre-bar emotion, and happy it is a memory. Most of all, I sit around being happy, while they sit around being spastic. I have lived the reality that there is an entire side of life post bar exam, whether you pass or fail. Something about the new perspective on this exam makes it less of a hurdle and more of a bump. In fact, a bump I am certain I can plow right over. Thank God for second chances.

What About Writing?

Wed, 13 Dec 2006 22:17:10 GMT

“What about writing?” Ex suggested. He had called and the conversation prompted the millions of options of what to do with my life. “What about writing?” I reply.

“Well you love it. You should see how excited you get when you talk about your blog. Not to mention, you are really good at it. I don’t care what they convinced you about in law school. Law school is full of a bunch of crap anyway and you know it. You’ve been through it. Why don’t you look for jobs in writing?” I am in shock! Ex was actually being supportive at a time when I needed him to be supportive. “Not saying you wouldn’t be an excellent lawyer, but as long as you are looking at alternatives, why don’t you look at writing? It is related to your degree. Lots of lawyers are in journalism, and you are a lawyer Single. You are just not admitted to a bar…yet. You will be admitted to a bar after February, but just because you are admitted to the bar doesn’t necessarily preclude you from writing if that works out for you.” I begin to think about lawyers in journalism. Offhand I can only think of one, the lady from the View, of all the lawyers to think about in journalism.

I have had this same conversation several times in the last four weeks. Once with a friend who said, “You are one of the lawyer types that goes into journalism.” I wasn’t sure what that meant. Once with Viper. Once with O. Once with Anonymous Him. Once with Bride Linz. Once with the librarian at the law school. Once with KT. Once with my former Secretary. Once with career services. Once with the law clerk. Once with my current boss. Even Da Los mentioned it in a comment not too long ago. Now with Ex. Even when I mentioned to Mom that I applied for some editor positions, she didn’t protest too much. Even though I have a sneaking suspicion she may be chalking my entire life right now up to a quarterlife crisis, or she might have been playing with my nephew and not paying attention to what I was saying. Either way, she didn’t protest.

The first time I played with applying to journalism jobs it was a far fetched idea. Not because it wasn’t something I would love to do. Oh, no, I have always loved writing. My dream job is to be an editor/writer for a magazine. No it was far fetched because there is this idea instilled in my head that I should be a glutton for punishment and be an attorney. Convince myself that I like it, or at least try it for a year and see how it goes. But couldn’t I be an attorney and a journalist? Plus, if I am a journalist, I could cover stories about law and politics, and learn about new things. At the very least, I could help with my co-workers speeding tickets. I don’t let my excited ambitions get ahead of me. I decide I will apply for a few journalism jobs, it can’t hurt anything. I mean, one way or the other I am taking the bar in February. If nothing comes through I can just go be an attorney.

Job or No Job

Wed, 13 Dec 2006 22:13:31 GMT

“Single, don’t feel bad about not passing the bar. You not passing might have actually been a benefit in the job market. With the big judicial elections coming up...a lot of people aren’t getting jobs anyway.” Is it true? Have I really had better luck being pimped out by a temporary employment agency, than many of my friends with licenses?

Evidently so. I know more unemployed lawyers right now than I ever imagined. “Plaintiff’s firms aren’t hiring because I think they may be waiting to see who gets put on the bench, and Plaintiff’s firms are usually the first places to pick first year attorneys to serve as their minions. Not to mention, people won’t hire us to be legal secretary’s or paralegals or law clerks because, then, technically, we are overqualified as lawyers with licenses. You’re pigeonholed into attorneyism, unless you break free and go into business, and right now attorney jobs are few and far between.” There is this whole world of legal politics that nobody really cares about for the most part until they hear the words “tort reform.” Tort reform...yes...what is that anyway? I am not entirely sure anyone who is, or who is not a lawyer, is really sure what tort reform is actually all about. Bottom line is ultimately people walk into voting booths at election time and mark whichever judicial candidate has the coolest name or the name they heard the most. What this boils down to is lawyers being the only people who care about who the judges are, and ultimately life goes on hold for judicial elections. The election could go any way.

Perhaps, my friend has a point. By the next time I take this exam, elections will be over. If I even choose to be an attorney. “I have thought about starting my own firm, but you need so much overhead to make sure it stays running the first couple of years. I don’t have that much overhead. I can’t even make my own job.” It absolutely amazes me. These quotes came from different people. Different highly qualified people. “What is the number to the people at your temp agency? Do you think they could pimp me out too?” Six months past graduation has come and gone. People who had jobs have lost them some because they got their license, some because they did not. The bottom line is there are a lot of first year attorneys out there. I tell my friend who to call at the temp agency if she is really interested. Then, remember to tell her to say the referral came from me. Which makes me think. For my entire working career I have been successful at finding and keeping jobs. I know how to write a resume, most of my interviews have been great (give or take a few, everyone has a few), and I rarely play by the job search rules. So, in the name of good karma, and the hopes that some of my friends will eventually put a good word in for me once I finally do get a law license, here is some of my job search and keep advice.

1) Get Credentials Why: People looking for someone to work with them do not want to hire just anyone. They are looking for people with degrees, education, skills, technical aptitude, and intelligence, but they are also looking for people with good communication skills, organizational skills, who are easy to work with, and who will be loyal to their organization. Show that on your resume.

2) Write a Good Resume, get some cheap business cards from Vistaprints.com and go party. Why: 90 % of finding a job is public relations and marketing. You are marketing yourself. The best way to do this is to build a rapport within your social network. Most jobs come from someone who knows someone who knows someone. That is the harsh reality. If you do not know anyone, you are going to be at a disadvantage finding a job. So, go out and party. Go out to hot spots where you know you will meet people from your area of career. Go to networking events put on by local organizations. Go to career fairs without the intent to find a job, but to meet people who might find you a job. Another good way to build your network is to join a temp agency doing something you might be overqualified for. You meet people. You meet a lot of people doing temporary work. You meet people you work with, people they work with, and people who work with the people who work with the people you are working with. Those people change with the frequency of the temporary positions. It can actually be a major asset for your career. Many of my greatest career contacts came, not from school, but from a temp agency.

3) Look nice everyday when you are out of your house. Why: You never know who you will strike up a conversation with over a latte in Starbucks. It could be your next boyfriend/girlfriend or your next employer. You don’t know if that person you asked “What do you think of this outfit? I need a second opinion,” in the dressing room of Ann Taylor is hiring. Look your best always, be on good behavior in public.

4) Lose the pretentious attitude. Why: First, you are not too good to do what you have to do. If you have to be a drive thru technician to pay the bills you have to be a drive thru technician to pay the bills. In a lot of companies and businesses you have to pay your dues. Most of the time you are not going to jump in the middle of the line to CEO. Even if you do, you will lose rapport. Remember first grade? People don’t like cutters. If you have more experience than the people you are up against, brag, but don’t be a braggard. For an interview, talk about your accomplishments what boundaries you overcame to reach them or what lessons you learned from failure. Never be afraid to mention your failures. When you overcome them you are a success. If no one knows that you fail, you can never be seen as a success. But don’t dwell on failures either. Give yourself a month of sulking for big failures, a week for little ones, and a lunch break for really little ones. Then put the failure aside and move on your way in life. Once, you have the job, don’t run amok telling people you’re accomplishments in a laundry list unless you are offering to help them with the accomplishments to add to their laundry list. This means if you are oober competitive you keep your mouth shut most of the time, unless your boss walks by...then you mention what you are working on and what you have finished, and what is coming up next. When no one is looking or if you are asked, talk about how well that big presentation went, or how you settled a big case. Unless you are willing to help others, keep bragging incognito. If you are willing to help, say, “Hey, I did something like what you are doing once, (fill in story) Let me know if you need any help. I would be happy to help you.” Then when they ask for help, give it.

5) Live on half of what you are used to living on. This is the advice I have overheard given by financial advisors to people getting divorces. Think of your career like a marriage. (Mine is clearly still in the engagement stage, wedding postponed until hopefully March or April.) If you were to go and get a divorce from your career, then you would need to prep by living on half of your earnings. So, when you start your career, live on half of your income if you can. The rest should go toward a savings or something. That way if the divorce from your career choice does happen, you have enough to get by for a few months at least. If your student loans are outrageous, like many of us, then pay them down overtime, but make sure you are making enough to pay them and save back a little. It might not be half, but an eighth. A little goes a long way over time.

6) Work hard, but don’t sacrifice beyond your limits except in special occasions. Why: It is often hard to tell where people’s personal priorities lie. Work is not always going to be someone’s first priority. If family is first, make family first. If money is first, make money first. If work is first, make work first. Bottom line, do not change those priorities, unless there is an emergency or you just want to. If people know what your priorities are, then people know what is important to you. If everyone knows what everyone else’s priorities are, then you can have a happy functioning work environment by respecting those priorities. People work more and harder if they like what they are doing and enjoy their work environment. Ultimately, this means respecting priorities, even when those priorities might be different than your own. (I am not saying that people who do not make work a priority fall into this category. You would hope career people would make work a priority.)

7) BE ON TIME Why: I am a real stickler on being on time for things. In fact, this is where my very lawyer-like streak kicks in. I hate things to be late, but I hate when people are late more. It is disrespectful of the other person’s time. Ultimately, it is saying, “I am better than whoever you are so, I don’t have to be on time, and you can wait for me.” I find it repulsive. So do employers. Now, there is probably a 5 to 10 minute leeway time for traffic, but anything more than that and you had best call to say you are going to be late. Otherwise, you become Mr. Disrespectful and nobody likes you. Or worse, they will start telling you the wrong time so you will be on time. (ie. everyone else be here at 8am. Mr. Disrespectful be here at 7am.) It is not the world’s job to cater to you all the time. Everyone needs mercy from time to time, but do not take advantage of mercy.

8) Never earn your colors. My greatest mentors in life have been people who have excelled and been huge successes, but have the attitude that they just started their career yesterday. These mentors do not hang their accomplishments out for all to see, but you can tell by their skill and ability they have those accomplishments. Instead of acting as a superior, they act as a teacher, a guide or a seer, and they see themselves as such. This does not mean that they rant and rave about how wonderful thing were in their day and how we should all do things exactly like them, but they find ways to relate to how you are, and guide you from your own perspective. These people see their entire career as a learning process. Since they are never through learning, you should never be through learning, and ultimately, you end up learning together from one another. Strive to be that person who mentors and guides. Never earn your colors, and you will go further than any career goal you could ever set.

Finding New Inspiration

Wed, 13 Dec 2006 22:12:00 GMT

I watched this show on discovery the other day about birds changing their songs when things go array. I believe it. I remember the birds in my dryer vent last Spring. I remember their song changing when I finally pushed them out and kept them away. For days the birds flew back to where their nest had been, only to find my dryer vent covered with a screen. The coos sounded exhausted, tired of fighting, weary. I can sympathize with their disappointment. I feel like one of those birds.

I’ve changed my song. I don’t like the new tune, but I think I am gonna be singing it awhile. I felt empty. I don’t know what it was about today, but my post failure emptiness had reached an all time low. The adrenaline of failure had brought me through the last month without much thought. Then, today, I felt empty. I went through the everyday motions. I woke up. Ate an egg. Drove the pimpstress mobile to work. Worked as hard as I could given my current state of depression. I was fine until the boss wanted to give me a pep talk about the next bar exam. The whole conversation I successfully fought tears. After making it to the pimpstress mobile after fleeing the office. I finally had to admit, that as much as I like to pretend I am fine, it is only a game face. The game face that I put on when I have to make it through the day and I really have no interest in making it through the day. I throw on the game face because if I can make it through today, then there is always tomorrow.

Today becomes this ever present “now” that does nothing but exist. Tomorrow is where all my hope lies. But today, I had to drop the game face. I wonder how many people live their lives feeling like this everyday. I wish I could get that gut wrenching pain to go away. No, not pain, disappointment, anger, and that uncertainty. I wish I could joke and laugh and have fun with my life, again. I just can’t bring myself to do it. Talk to me in April. Maybe I will feel better then. Right now, bites. I have lost my spark. It is disheartening. I have always had it. Now it is only in little spurts of spark. Flickers. Flickers when my life hasn’t got me down.

My entire song has changed in one month. I come home. I am angry and sad and a whole ball of emotions all rolled into one big emotion that for the purposes of this blog will be called “BLAH.” I feel blah. I call my mother to cry. She mostly listens. I break out into a fit of anger, then tears, then my natural flight reaction somewhere kicks in, then, like a wave, I just begin to cry uncontrollably. I remember psychology from college. This moment, it is called “breaking.” It is the first step to healing from temporary depression. A release of everything you have felt under the surface. The worst moment and the best moment all in one. It is when you do not just hit rock bottom and sit, but when you bounce back up. Dr. Mom prescribes “Dr. Pepper and dinner.” I follow her orders. I drink a Dr. Pepper and stress eat some leftover macaroni and cheese. I feel ever so slightly better.

I go to ballet. Make it through the barre. While I am usually very meticulous when I dance, usually watching every pointed toe, every turned out motion, my posture, my balance, tonight, I feel sloppy. I dance sloppy. Then comes wave two. I leave class early so I can get to my car. As I drive home tears pouring down my cheeks, not entirely sure if I am sad or angry.

I have this memory of a picture. I was working for the EPA. My boss had two pictures in her office. One was of Billie Holiday and the other of Martin Luther King Jr. I haven’t seen the pictures since I saw the ones in her office, but the one of Martin Luther King, Jr. is vivid in my mind. He is sitting and has this look of complete discouragement on his face. It struck me as odd that someone so confident, who would use his gifts to change the world for the better, could appear so human. His look is my feeling. I look at my own face in the rearview mirror; discouragement = blah. I think of the picture, again. I feel a strength from the fact that I am not the only one who has ever faced failure. I find faith in the fact that a man as powerful and influential as Martin Luther King, Jr. was also fully discouraged at one point in his life. It is the humaness that came with that discouragement that helped him lead millions. Then I realize, that at one point in history, Martin Luther King, Jr. must have failed. And in a strange way, my strength was renewed.

I do not feel empty. I feel angry. Angry not in a way of violence, but drive. The kind of anger you feel when you will let nothing get in your way of reaching a dream. I think of failure. I think of what might have happened had Martin Luther King Jr. just sat in a jail cell and given up. If he had not felt discouraged. If he had not gotten angry. He might still be alive, but his life would be meaningless. It was because he was discouraged that he was empowered and had the ability to empower others. Now, how do I get there?

From Having a Secretary to Being One...

Wed, 13 Dec 2006 22:10:51 GMT

I swear, if the printer doesn’t work this time I am going to launch it across the office and go on a rampaging frenzy. I cannot find the paper jam it claims to have. It is a lying printer. As bad as the printer is, there is no fury like that of the copy machine. The copy machine eats entire rolls of paper, and you will never find them again. I want to scream for a secretary to help me. Then the hard part. The harsh realization that the secretary is yours truly. I have to admit. There have been several secret phone calls to my former secretary to find out what secretaries do and how they do it. I get a certain satisfaction out of calling her.

First, she is very helpful. Second, she makes me happy because she reminds me of happier times when answering the phone “law office!” was not my responsibility. Third, she has always been a good friend, and it is good to know, as it always has been, that if I need someone to help, someone is there. To puff my ego a bit, I take it upon myself to make sure that everyone I work for knows that I have graduated from law school and am using the temp service as a means to an end until I get to take the bar exam again. For that matter, if there is a point in the conversation where I can mention how very little I failed by, I make sure to mention that too. These mentions are for me, not anyone else. Today, while sitting listening to some dictation and thinking about how I will intentionally never dictate to my secretary because you inevitably say something like “uh” 50 times or worse, the darth vader breathing , I realized that I had had a fleeting thought about what to do after I get past the bar exam in February. It is the first fleeting positive thought of the future I have had in a few weeks. A little ray of sunshine in my dark gloomy days. Then I thought about what I am doing now, and how much I am not destined to be a temporary legal secretary forever. Temporary...it stays by my name until I become attorney. My entire life right now is temporary.

There are ups and down to this. Up: Do not know what is going to happen tomorrow. Down: Do not know what is going to happen tomorrow. Up: Mindless typing quickly. Down: Mindless typing. Up: freetime. Down: Using freetime to study for life upgrade. Up: Paycheck. Down: $500/month paycut and having to have help from Mom and Dad. Up: finding work other secretaries have already done on the computer and adapting it to my needs. Down: copiers, printers, telephones, typewriters, loose filing, and general technology. I am no better off than I was three years ago when I started law school. Only ever so slightly more overqualified. With 2 jury trials and 13 bench trials from my days of interning , I am honored to say I am the only secretary at the firm with trial experience, and was more than happy to share my experiences with the law clerk, who, as a second year law student, I refuse to let believe he is my senior, and the newest associate, who is readying for her first trial. I am careful to treat them both with the utmost respect because they are cool and nice, and two weeks ago, I was somewhere in between them. If I was somewhere in between them two weeks ago, I must still be somewhere in between. I do odd things, like naturally pull nondiscoverable stuff from files as I copy them just out of habit. When I realize what I am doing, I make it a point to go ask the attorney just to check and make sure I am right. I did fail the bar after all. I find myself reading over motions and pleadings and thinking of the next motion or pleading I will be typing. It has almost become a game. “Can you guess the next move?” I am getting pretty good at it. I’m 2 for 9 this week. If I am confused on how to do something, I find myself thinking, “How would I want this done if I was on the other side like I am supposed to be?” Holding myself to at least my own standards keeps me in check and motivated. I have also developed a peeve of margins. I feel sorry for whatever future secretary I have on this one. I cannot deal with an expanded margin. I find myself going to great lengths to keep margins between the 1-1.5 in length. I actually almost spazzed out over a page break today. Only after looking at the computer, tuning into that little chip on my shoulder, and saying, “look pagebreak, I am a lawyer, I just don’t have a license you will do as I say.” In my study times, at lunch or after work, I have found that I run across questions in my practice bar books that have me wondering what exactly it was I was thinking the last time I answered the question. Good news: Have gotten all but one question right out of my studying so far this time around. Boosts my confidence a little. I am confident things will get better.

The Barre

Wed, 13 Dec 2006 22:09:38 GMT

As I was teaching dance class last night, spouting off dance terms like they were just a normal part of everyday language and watching girls struggle with what I was asking them to do, I realized, that struggle is how I feel right now about law. I showed a little more compassion to the girls. In law, I am not a beginner struggling to learn terms, but somewhere toward the intermediate level. Knowing how to use the terms, but not always remembering which term goes with which move. Then it was all clear. That is the barrier I have to pass to pass this exam in February. I have to move to the advanced level, and the only way to do that is practice and repetition. Discipline. The same kind I dedicated to dance when I was a little girl, so I would know what coupe, chasse, pas de bouree entournee, and jete mean. The same kind that you have when you stand at a barre doing 500 tendus until one, only one is correct. Feeling what correct feels like and working hard for that tendu to feel correct every time.

I have a flush of motivation to succeed at the bar exam this time around. A motivation I have felt for pretty much nothing before except for dance. A positive motivation. When I get home from teaching, I realize it pays to have grown up in a family full of teachers all of whom have called at some point in the last week with advice for how, educationally speaking, I should study. I take some of the advice. I set a study schedule, starting now. I actually felt a little nostalgia as I dug out my Barbri books from the depths of the past summer. I was surprised at how much I had missed them. I hate them, but I missed them. I liked looking at my little notes in the margins. Notes written on bright sunny summer days to my study buddy friend who was sitting next to me. I find the recommended Barbri study schedule written on and noted from the summer. I immediately change the dates leaving out the upcoming weekends. One lesson a day fits all the way up to January 4. I am going to repeat the entire course by myself. Then try Barbri again as soon as I finish on my own.

I look over my scores. My lowest, property law. No big surprise. The topic I missed in the review course because I had to attend my grandfather’s funeral. Add that to the fact that I hate property law. It is painful for me. I didn’t get it when I was in law school, and well, apparently, I still don’t get it. I look at my study schedule and add an extra day to property. I suppose, I have to get it eventually, now would be a time to start. Better to spend an extra day learning it now than have to spend the rest of my life wishing I had. Next low score, trusts. Yes, trusts, the topic I was studying for the first time during the power outage. Not surprised. I add an extra day. After those two topics, my scores jumped considerably. Everything else just gets reviewed with the hopes I pick up something new. I set my Barbri books on the kitchen table for pavlovian purposes.

That is where I will study. Not in my big fluffy comfy chair where I curl up with books I love to read, or in my bed where I sit to blog. Not on my couch where I can easily be distracted by the potential rerun of project runway or top chef. No, at my kitchen table. The same spot that I spent years screaming about having to do math homework. That is where the bar belongs this time around. The place in my house where I am the most disciplined. My barre. I

remember high school math class. I despised math with ever so slightly more hatred than the hostility I possess toward property law. I remember sitting at the kitchen table, crying, whining, cussing, griping, kicking, screaming, telling God, the neighbors, and everyone else how much I hate math. Math and I did not get along. I would refuse to do my homework when math was involved. My mother wouldn’t let me leave the table until it was done. I still don’t love math, but I can do math. I still don’t love tendus, but I can do tendus. And hopefully, in five months, I will be saying the same thing about property law. I tell myself, no dance until my homework is finished every night. Incentive. Take away the something I love to benefit the something I must do. Sacrifice, and incentive to study again. Until January, my weekends will be free to dance and run amok. Weekdays are school nights, and until my homework is done, I cannot go out. This method has worked my whole life, why not now? I have vowed that during this bar exam I will not sit in my bed with a book and a bag of cheesy puffs and study for a month. I will eat healthy. Healthy food will keep me more balanced mentally and physically. Not to mention, I gained 15 pounds last bar exam and am still working it off. It takes a lot longer to lose it than it did to gain it. I am now officially free of 7 of the 15 pounds. A little less than halfway there. I will not be gaining this time around. I am going to lose the weight. It is easier to suck it up and lose 15 pounds now than to try to lose 30-50 later on. I will not regain the bar exam 15. I am not going to stress out. What have I got to lose? I am not unemployable if I do not pass. Hopefully, I will have a job doing something before I take the exam. I know from experience that all the hoopla about how the world ends after you fail is precisely that. I have been there once. I know what to expect. I know what the little booklets look like. How far the lines on the pages are spaced. How tiny the circles are that I must fill in. How many questions I can read at a time without my eyes going blurry. I know the answer to nearly every question I had to ask people about the bar exam last time. I am months from the trauma of law school. I have regained a confidence that my law school experience had killed. Things are going to be different this time around, starting now.

I have had enough lemons, now where do I get a pitcher?

Wed, 13 Dec 2006 22:08:52 GMT

Endless possibility. My life was just filled with endless possibilities. My pockets are empty, my life has been turned upside down in the last week, but I refuse to believe that anything happens without a reason. In all honesty, the last week has done nothing more than present me with an opportunity of endless possibilities. I cannot fault the karmic waves for this one. I believe in tomorrow. I believe in myself, and for once I am facing forward fully confident that everything will work out for the best.

Every once in awhile you have one of THOSE weeks. This week I think I took one of THOSE weeks for the team. I fail the bar exam by relatively few points. I quit my job because it will not fit with my soon to start study schedule, and clearly, that was going to be a problem. Sixty hours a week up until the next bar exam is not conducive to my passing. And this time, not passing, is not an option. Not that it really was an option last time. So in the last three days, my entire life has been turned upside down. Only the oddest part is that I feel strangely ok with my entire life being turned upside down. I feel like in the course of the last three days some weird karmic events have taken hold. I have faith in my decisions and tomorrow.

It’s strange. I expected myself to be depressed and sad. Instead I feel more motivated than ever. I start applying for new jobs immediately. Either jobs that will give me 40-45 hours a week or jobs that I would want to do regardless of whether or not I pass the bar exam. I am freaked out about how I will have any money to pay my rent. I don’t know what tomorrow will bring, but I am trying to, in the words of Tim Gunn, “make it work.” I search law firms and see that law clerk and paralegal jobs have recently been shoved aside for the greater good of the new associate. I scan every job search engine on the internet. I search for big companies who might be hiring. I look into sales, and corporate stuff, government opportunities. Then, it hits me like a ton of bricks. This is the first time, since I was 16 that I am actually unemployed. I have worked at Burger King, been a cashier at a public pool, worked at Michael’s Arts and Crafts, Waited tables at a local sports bar and at Applebees (hello all my applebuddies out there), was an Resident Assistant, had an internship at the EPA, was a legal secretary, then an internship at a prosecutors office, a job at a small law firm, and now unemployed. I have officially crawled this far up the job ladder, why not keep going? I have a high school education, a BS in political science, a minor in microbiology, and a JD. And I am unemployed. There is something very scary and very liberating at the same time.

Only the hard part is realizing that you are ever so slightly overqualified for a lot of jobs and ever so slightly underqualified for most others. I check unemployment statistics 4.6% in September. That is quite a lot. I wonder how many people out there are searching like me. My competitive streak kicks in without really knowing anyone who I am competing with. I am going to find a new job, legal or not. I will enjoy it, and I am going to find something I would want to do if the bar exam doesn’t work out in February, or that I love so much I will stay even if it does work out. I scan jobs convinced I could do anything I really want to do. Anything I don’t know how to do I could learn quickly. I begin to think of alternatives to law related jobs. Human Relations, Public Relations, Business, Sales, Banking, and the options become endless. Almost overwhelming. I search some more. Peck out a revised resume. I realize the real value of that JD is options. I have options I didn’t have three years ago, or even 7 months ago. I have a sense of security, not that I will find a job, but that jobs exist that I could do. I wonder if this is what it feels like to have an MBA? If nothing comes through for me in the next few weeks, there will always be drive thru technicians needed and retail in the mall. People work there everyday, and I am not one of those people that thinks any of those jobs are beneath me. I have done them before. I got here somehow. I will get wherever I am going somehow too, and right now, that could be anywhere.

Joining the ranks of the gainfully unemployed

Wed, 13 Dec 2006 22:08:10 GMT

It is official, I am unemployed. I quit. The details of which are not to be disclosed. Rather, it will suffice to say I am back on the job market. This time with a JD and no admission to the bar. So what do unemployed people do all day...Viper, who is the President of Gainfully Unemployed Club, has taught me the official handshake and is providing for our blogtacular entertainment the list of what unemployed people do... 1) We wake up sometime before the sunsets, sometimes. 2) Scavenge for Food (from employed neighbors) 3) Sometimes bathe, sometimes 4) We eat again 5) Viper says this is where it gets hazy 6) Viper recommends spending a lot of time in front of the computer with monster.com, careerbuilder.com, theladders.com, etc. 7) Spend about 2 hours reformatting your resume after the aforementioned websites have screwed it up. 8) Draft some bogus cover letters 9) Eat again 10) Sell things on ebay 11) Back to back episodes of law and order 12) Bedtime

The Nonlist of the Flunkies

Wed, 13 Dec 2006 22:07:30 GMT

“I failed. Don’t talk to me about it.” Was the very first email I sent yesterday. Right after the phone call to mom. I was most definitely not upset about the failure, more about the fact that come February, I get to do all that is the Bar Exam again. I felt like I was the only one on the nonlist of flunkies. I scanned the list for friends. Some names were prominently there. Some were not.

There was no real correlation between class rank and those that passed and didn’t. Some flunkies were top of the top law review, some were the bottom of the crop. It didn’t really matter. I was comforted in the fact that I was not alone. My name was not the only one missing. I took the day off of work to regain my bearings. Of course, it could have been worse. What I had to overcome was the disappointment that comes with losing the one little tiny shrivel of hope that you had passed.

My phone is inundated with calls from friends. After a ride home from work feeling a lot annoyed more than sad, I began to remember July. Then I realize, if there was a month to fail an exam, it was July. Lets recap. Grandfather is in hospital, Grandfather dies, boyfriend problems, 4 days relocation to Starbucks to study because you had no power and it was 100 degrees outside, and finally, a break up. That support group that showed up today was all tied up with those things. I was also tied up in those things. It wasn’t that I didn’t study. I studied a lot, entire days, starting at 5:30 every morning. It was that the month of July, and now it is official, sucked. If the bar exam is the highlight of the month, you know it is bad.

I talked to Nemesis, Viper, KT, my brother, my mother (20 times), my father, Anonymous Him, Ballerina Boy, Linz, my boss, Single Mom, my student loan lender, and even the ex. Nemesis, having also been on the nonlist of flunkies, came over to spend the afternoon away from the celebration of our friends and sitting on my couch watching a movie and drinking a couple of glasses of wine. Later that evening I called ballerina boy and told him I needed a ride to ballet. After the wine, I didn’t really think I should drive.

After feeding me dinner, he took me to ballet class. Where I danced and poured my frustrations into barre work. I considered not blogging about this. Then I thought, nobody ever really talks about what happens when you don’t pass. In not talking about it, the avoidance of the topic all together makes it seem a whole lot scarier than it is. So, I am blogging. In all honesty, flunking the bar does not end the world. It did not end my career or my goals for myself. I did not wake up this morning to a weird disease or get treated like I was a weird disease. And I get to try again. It isn’t the first time I have tried something again, and I am sure it won’t be the last. Hopefully, it is the last time I have to deal with the pimple in my life that is the bar exam.

A thought on interview ettiquette

Wed, 13 Dec 2006 22:06:12 GMT

I could smell the taquitos at the gas station permeating my nose and making me think that I needed a taquito for breakfast. It takes all my strength to walk past them and up to the line to pay for my gas. On the newstand beside the register the Saint Louis Post Dispatch catches my eye. A story of a horrible murder on the East Side, and right above it, an entire headline dedicated to Lawyers teaching other lawyers and coworkers etiquette. Things like etiquette that make me smile. It is about time people relearned some manners. The article was mainly about fashion. I agree, fashion is sometimes overlooked for comfort here in the midwest. The article is also absolutely right that fashion should be a priority. I am not talking haute couture, but knowing what to wear in individual situations. Dressing for the event, ie. what you wear to a Rams game is not appropriate for a job interview. I walked into work.

The ladies in the office were also reading the article. “I can’t believe that Lawyers, such a respectable profession, well educated people, are having to teach this stuff.” I scoffed, “With education does not come manners.” Then we began discussing interviews. One of the secretaries mentioned the way some people come dressed for interviews. Some scantily clad. Some inappropriately dressed in Sunday best instead of professional wear. Some women don’t wear bras. Then we began to talk about pantyhose. I hate pantyhose. Pantyhose are from the devil and no one will ever tell me any differently. You can actually fall over putting on pantyhose. They are clearly a liability and I am surprised that no one has sued yet for injuries caused by Sheer Energy. They are dangerous and never quite match your skin tone correctly. I have waged war against the hose for three years now. I will continue until I die. With gas prices as high as they are we should be conserving nylon like they did during WWII as far as I am concerned. And we are at war or something like that. Anyway, there are times when I will even bring myself to wear pantyhose like job interviews or very nice evenings out when I am wearing boots. HOWEVER, UNDER ABSOLUTELY NO CIRCUMSTANCE WILL I COMMIT THE MORTAL SIN OF THE HOSE AND SANDAL.

That is right. I had to put it in all caps because it happens so often and people lose so much credibility over this very faux pas. I have seen it everywhere and more prevalently here in the midwest than in the South. A woman will have on a pair of open toe shoes, a nice strappy sandal, or god forbid a regular sandal or flip flop, and something will have possessed her to wear pantyhose with it. Now, this style is acceptable only for women above the age of 60 or women with vein issues. You should never ever ever wear this lack of style. Just because you are wearing pantyhose does not upgrade the sandal or flip flop to a work appropriate shoe. When wearing business attire you should be wearing a heel. End of story. If you cannot wear a heel for medical reasons you should be wearing a closed toe flat.

If it is a really casual day at work, you wear heels with your jeans. Business casual, you should be wearing a heel. By heel I do not mean pump. Pumps are only acceptable with a long pant. Do not wear pumps with a skirt unless the pump has a design to it. Black Pumps do not go with skirt suits. Black pumps go with pantsuits and slacks. Skirt suits show off your foot, wear something fashionable. As for business suits and interviews. Wear one. You can wear a collared white oxford type shirt under a business suit (if you are a lady), but if you are petite don’t even think about it. It will only serve to make you look like you are twelve and will not make you stand out. For petite women, the white collared shirt puts too much emphasis on their neck and the resulting look is “I was swallowed by my suit.” If you want to wear a collared shirt, do not button it all the way up. Wear the collar butterflied. To be extra careful just wear a nice silk shell top. Open your neckline, and you appear taller. Hint: Pinstripes make you look taller too. For someone who is 5’2 looking taller gives you more credibility. Do your hair. Take some time to fix your hair so that it looks nice. If you are applying someplace really formal pull it back in a chignon, twist, or ponytail, NOT A BUN, NOT A WIERD THING YOU DID THAT MORNING WITH A PONYTAIL HOLDER, I can’t tell you how many times I would see girls going into interviews at the law school and want to grab their hair and make it look nicer. The problem was not the effort, but some people just never learn to style their hair into an updo. If you are one of those people, wear your hair short, or leave it down. Trust me it looks better than an attempted bun. I don’t care what career services told you. If you can’t do your hair well up, do your hair well down. Your hair ties together your entire appearance.

Wear makeup. When I say wear makeup, I do not mean the kind of makeup you wear going out. A woman should have two sets of makeup. Daytime and nightime. Nightime is brighter colors, thicker darker eyeliners, red lipstick, etc. Daytime should be muted and give your face color without making you look cakey or like someone who is a streetwalker. For daytime makeup the key is to make it look natural. For Nighttime, the key is to stand out. For an interview, wear daytime make up. If you are confused, ask your local department store makeup consultant. I know Clinique and MAC will give you a free makeup consultation and even tell you how to put the stuff on your face so you don’t look stupid. I am pretty sure some of the other makeup brands will do the same thing. The general consensus in the office is that a person is more likely to get hired if they look respectable. By respectable I do not mean striking, but professional. If you aren’t sure how to look professional wearing business casual or jeans, then stick with a suit. For questions feel free to email me.

Bar Exam Results Panic

Wed, 13 Dec 2006 22:04:57 GMT

My heart begins to race. My head spin. My eyes get blurry. I can’t see. My breathing was short and panicked. Shalia has passed Oklahoma’s Bar Exam. I am elated. I want to jump up and down and scream for her! She deserved it. She had worked really hard. I couldn’t help but panic though. Through all of my friend from college’s elation about passing, I had spun into a full on panic attack. My mind was racing. If Shalia’s results are in, are mine? If she passed, did I pass? What if I didn’t pass? What if all my friends pass and I don’t pass? What if none of my friends pass and I pass? How will I have to tell my mom and my boss? Oh, my gosh! I hope I passed! Panic Panic Panic. The only thing I could think of to beat the pain was to just check. I hurried to the bar website. There it was...The place where the link will at some point be. The link that as of right now doesn’t work. It doesn’t matter how hard I click or how many times. The bar exam results in Missouri have still not been released. I click the word that will soon be a link. I click it again, just to make sure. Then I take a deep breath. It takes a minute or hour to regain my composure. Nothing has changed from an hour ago. Absolutely nothing. I am still just a law clerk. I have not passed the bar. I do not have any score. Neither does anyone else in the state of Missouri. I am proud of Shalia. Nothing has changed. Congratulations Shalia!!! You did it! You Rock!

Never Going back to School

Wed, 13 Dec 2006 22:03:10 GMT

As I pile into the pimpstress mobile in my Ann Taylor, Pinstripe, tailored business suit my Eurobag swung over my shoulder, I all of a sudden feel very grown up. I am sure it is a passing feeling. Probably brought on by the suit. A passing feeling like the feeling you get when you are pushing a basket in the grocery store and deciding whether to get the expensive macaroni and cheese or the cheap store brand. The kind of feeling you get paying bills or doing laundry. You know, the little things that make you feel like an adult. Somewhere in this very moment of adultness, I realize the ten extra bar exam pounds weighing on my bones. Ten pounds in one month. Ok. Ok. Give myself a break. I did sit in my bed with a barbri book and a bag a cheetos nearly everyday. I drank pretty darn close to $500 worth of coffee and coffee related drinks, all of which were inevitable juiced up with sugar. I didn’t eat but one healthy meal the entire month no matter how hard I tried. It is, by all means, a blessing that there are only ten extra pounds on these bones. As I begin to meticulously pick ways to strip off my ten pounds so that my clothes fit again, I remind myself I will be dancing three times a week. I remind myself that I will be teaching dance three times a week. I will get exercise. I will need to take my lunch to work or eat soup or salad for awhile. No McDonalds. For goodness sake, no Taco Bell. None of it. Peel off the pounds. Then, somewhere on I-55 south, I have an epiphany. I am never going back to school. I don’t know why it happened. I don’t know what sparked it. I assume it was probably Taco Bell. I will not have a chance at smelling the smell of buying new school supplies (a favorite thing). I will not have the chance at meeting new people so easily. All of a sudden my life just completely up and changed. In that one moment everything changed. Ha, that’s the same phrase people say when they have a child. I suppose the phrase is just as valid in the moment when that child grows up. Oh, there is so much more growing to do.

The Problem with Cynics

Wed, 13 Dec 2006 22:02:23 GMT

How can you do this job and not care about other people? You have to care. It is your job to care. You are paid to care. People are placing their lives in your hands and entrusting to you some of their worst moments. How can you possibly help them if it is all about you? How difficult is it to return a phone call or have support staff return a phone call? To listen to someone as they tell their story? Since when was whatever you are doing more important than what they need to tell you? They might not be telling you because they need legal advice. They might be telling you because they need someone to talk to, to vent. They need a counsellor not just a lawyer. Is that not also half of this job? Granted, the only half I can actually perform right now without being admitted to the bar, but a valid half nonetheless.

Isn’t it sad to see a lawyer who doesn’t care? Who wants to rush to get out of court, not because they have more pressing issues, but because they don’t want to be there. Who overlooks clients in the rush rush of trying to get things done, when all it would take is one breath to stop and talk to that person who is entrusting you with their life.

I am lucky to work with people who care. Rather, it is a person who has grown cynical by seeing too much of the bad side of this profession and forgetting about the good. If you become cynical not toward the law, but toward your client, you are fighting a losing battle. I can see how a lawyer could end up needing help himself.

Yes, there are clients that call once a day even when you have absolutely nothing to tell them. The ones you see once a day with a new problem. There are even the ones that want to talk to someone about the newest development in their life no matter how small. The point is, whatever it is, it isn’t small to them. If it was, they wouldn’t be calling. At the very least they are scared. Many haven’t been in the legal system before. They don’t quite understand it, and if you think about it, if it was easy to understand would someone have to spend four years in undergrad, 3 years in law school purgatory, and then 3 months in bar exam hell in order to do it? If it is easy, you aren’t doing it right. How can you sit back and expect your client to know how things work when it took you eight years to learn it?

With that in mind, it is your job to be on their side. If you are the one who knows what is going on, then shouldn’t you pick up your fists and go to the mattresses when it is needed? It is just as much your job to learn to distinguish between a case worth fighting for and a case not worth the battle and all the cases in between. Ultimately, it is loyalty. Loyalty to your client and to yourself. You promised them you would fight for them. Do it. Do it if it means you go down in flames. Keep swinging punches until your arms are tired. Fight for them. If they knew how to fight, they wouldn’t need you. What kind of friend backs down in battle? or worse, takes the other side? Wuss.

Realize these people have lives. They are people not just money. They have families and children and what you do and say affects every aspect of their life. In fact, the person it affects the least is you. You might deal with 800 legal problems a day, but your client deals with one. When you lose sight of that and become self centered, you stop helping. I have already learned the reality of not being able to return every phone call every day. Especially, when dealing with 50 different clients all who need a phone call returned. I know that sometimes you see a number on the phone for the 30th time in a row and grit your teeth, your eyes bulge out of your head, and you just keep thinking “WHAT!!!” But there is solace in the fact that they are calling you. They feel like they need you. They need reassurance. To know that you are thinking of them. That their problem, which is the only problem they care about, is on your mind too. And it should be.

How do you let a client know you care even when they need almost constant reassurance. A level of reassurance you can’t possibly give? Make it a point to let them know that you don’t just care about their problem, but about them. “How was fishing last week? Did you catch a big one?”. “Did your son start school last week? I bet you’ve been really stressed out.” And since when was it not okay to apologize? “Oh! I am so sorry I haven’t been able to return your call! I have been swamped this week, but you were first on my list for next time I pick up the phone.” or even “Oh! I needed to talk to you!” I mean we are talking basic phone manners here. Not rocket science. If you wouldn’t do it to your best friend, why would you do it to a client?

I think lawyers sometimes get so cynical toward the law that it overflows to their clients, and eventually, they forget who they work for. And that is why young attorneys are idealistic and many old attorneys are more than ready to retire. Years of wear and tear on the ambitions of the younger version of yourself. The key must be to maintain that sense of yourself throughout your career. To strike a balance between experience and ideals. To view the job as a chance to help people and realize you cannot help everyone. To not get cocky with your accomplishments, but to humble yourself and realize that you are always capable of making a mistake, you are human. Moreso, to realize other people make mistakes too, both employees and clients. To not wallow in the need for more money or flaunt it when there is an abundance. To foster a family life and a life beyond your office so you can have an oasis from the turmoils of your everyday battles. To take care of yourself because you can’t help someone else if you cannot help yourself. Take a day off. Fly someplace exotic. And give your employees the same benefit. Help a young attorney to learn and grow from your experiences. Make it a point to learn from the young attorney’s experiences too. And above all, realize, it isn’t about you.

Something about that first real paycheck

Wed, 13 Dec 2006 21:56:22 GMT

There is just something about getting your first real paycheck. The kind that doesn’t come from an internship or a job you acquired during school to help pay off expenses from that accidental fender bender that left you $5000 in the hole. No, I mean a real paycheck. All yours. Well, kind of, after you pay the rent, bills, throw some away for when you stop feverishly deferring student loans, after getting the oil changed and breaks fixed on the pimpstress mobile, some plant food for Michael and Mischa, some laundry detergent, groceries, credit card bills, gas for the pimpstress mobile that has been hijacked by the oil companies in an attempt to make my life miserable (quite unsuccessful), and paying insurance premiums...Ok, so now back to that real paycheck thing. With my $15 leftover this month I decided to buy a new cd. For some reason, as I meandered through Target scanning the shelves for some cd of substance, and thinking to myself, “Back in the day, music was higher quality, and you didn’t need half naked people on the front cover to sell a cd.” Which might or might not be true...I made a conscious decision to not buy any cd with a half naked person on the cover. It was my own personal protest. By refusing a naked person cd I was screaming to the world, “I am tired of your nakedness!!! I refuse to buy naked looking things!!! The world should put on clothes!!! We are all naked underneath our clothes anyway!!” Unfortunately, this protest left me lacking in music selection. I was forced to Christian music (which although I like it on occasion is not a usual genre) and country music. I settled on country. Nashville has some semi pop singers. Carrie Underwood, Shania Twain, Rascal Flatts. I could deal with country, although it also is not a usual genre. Then, because I am the marketer’s dream child, I found the perfect cd. Julie Roberts “Men and Mascara.” Oh, yes, you might think it was the song proclaimed on the cover, “Girl Next Door” which won me over. Honestly, I had never heard the song. Evidently, it is popular among the country listeners of today. A plus, but not my main draw. No, I was drawn to a pair of shoes on the cover. Mint green and brown heels. I’ve been on this green kick lately, and the brown was a beautiful floral pattern. I bought the cd because I wanted the shoes. Lucky for me, the cd isn’t half bad. Been listening to it all day as I organize my home office to make it ‘grown up’ as opposed to ‘student.’ I digress... It is a good thing it is a good cd. Forever, this cd will be that cd I bought with the $15 I have left over out of my very first ever real paycheck after I paid everything that I have to pay. Something about that liberated me as I passed the school supplies section of Target. For the first time ever, that paycheck came from my hard work, not from the government, and I do not have to spend it on a new backpack. It is moments like this that make me feel all grown up.

Women in the Workplace

Wed, 13 Dec 2006 21:55:37 GMT

As I listen and observe the dynamic in my office, I can’t help but ponder the role of women in the workplace. They honestly play by a whole different set of rules than men, and watching the lack of communication between the two sets of rules can, at sometimes, seem almost humorous. I find myself watching and thinking, “If we all only understood each other things would be so much easier.” Here are a few things I have picked up on. 1. Women compete with brains and beauty...men compete with brains and brawn. A man with brains and brawn can intimidate a woman with brains and beauty just as easily as a woman with brains and beauty can intimidate a man with brains and brawn. I blame this workplace phenomenon on kindergarten. You see, once upon a time in a kindergarten class far far away, a little boy really liked a pretty little girl and thought she was smart because she knew the entire alphabet. He drew her a picture. The pretty little girl got together with her pretty little girl friends and made fun of the picture. This made the little boy reluctant to do anything nice for pretty little girls ever again. The girls became intimidating. In response the little boy took to chasing little girls around the playground and pulling their hair. This hurt the little girls and they became intimidated by the little boys. By the time you graduate and go to work, there are so many years of being intimidated by one another that when you work together there are walls to communication, and sometimes, these walls lead to an absolute breakdown in communication. 2. Women who know the difference between pretty, sexy, provactive, and well-dressed, tend to gain respect faster than women who do not. Pretty is how you look when you lunch with your girls. Sexy is how you look when you go out on a date. Provocative is for special occasions only. Well-dressed is for the workplace. Well-dressed = business suits that are tailored to fit. If you are a business casual office, then wear pants and a top that is not too revealing. Do your hair. Put on at least mascara, blush and lip gloss. Wear some pearls or other subtle jewelry. Nothing too bangley. You are not going on a date, you are going to work. And for god’s sake don’t wear crocs to work. Very happy to say, no one in my office has the lack of fashion sense required to wear crocs to work. It makes me happy. Go my office. Crocs are for weekends not workdays. 3. Because of some inherent instinct in women about relationships, tranquility in an office is key. When things are tranquil women feel more free to be themselves. Women who are unhappy with their positions are generally feeling that way because they feel like they are not respected for who they are. Men on the other hand are not so worried about their relationships, but about their potential for advancement, the inner functioning of the workplace, and more technical matters. Tranquility is less of an issue because of the brawn thing in men. It isn’t bad, it is just different. If women and men would recognize each other’s strengths, a workplace could probably be a very tranquil, efficient, and highly functioning atmosphere well suited to both sexes. 4. Women often overlook themselves in their accomplishments. I have noticed and made note of several instances, among girlfriends and co-workers, over the last several years of this phenomenon. It isn’t that men don’t notice women’s accomplishments in the workplace, it is that women downplay their accomplishments as to not seem like they are “better than anyone else” or “not to brag.” Eventually, men just stop complimenting them because women do not seem proud or know how to take the compliment. Ok, ladies get over it. Be proud of what you have done. At the end of the day, look back over your to do list, at all the things or one thing you checked off the list, and be proud. You accomplished something. No one else is going to be proud of you until you are proud of yourself. Let people know. When you are talking to your boss tell them, “I have been working on this, and this is finished, and this is finished, and I totally rocked that teleconference, and I think I landed this client, and my office smells a lot better than yours, and Here is what I plan on doing today, anything you want to add to my list?” Be proud of what you do, no matter how small. Even menial tasks like organizing a desk drawer or emptying your trash are an accomplishment. If you boss tells you “good job” then be say, “I worked hard! Thanks!” 5. Observe office politics but do not play office politics. Part of working with people is based on trust. If you do not trust the people you work with you are going to be unhappy. The longer you work somewhere usually the more trust you gain. The better work product you provide the more responsibility will be entrusted to you. You have to prove yourself. Men have to do it too. Women tend to be swept up easily into office politics, and he said she said gossip. Do not fall into this trap. Be the confidante, not the gossip. Let people know that what comes to you doesn’t go beyond you, unless it absolutely has to, and by all means, if you have a problem with a fellow employee be respectful enough to walk into their office, address the matter calmly and productively with a listening ear, and work out a compromise before reporting to a person of higher authority. (Of course, unless it is something major, like someone embezzling money or something. I am talking about personal issues like, “You keep using my stapler without asking.” type of thing.)

My Office

Wed, 13 Dec 2006 21:54:36 GMT

As I sit with my feet on my desk researching I can’t help but be distracted by the barren nature of my office. I haven’t even put my diplomas on the wall. I can’t bear the thought of having to take them down if I didn’t pass the bar exam. But today, my office seemed cold and unfriendly. I rearranged furniture to try to warm up the room. It was just an unsuccessful attempt. That’s it, the spirit of the home decorating goddess is taking over, screaming at me to decorate, and demanding that I make this office my own. The time has come. Oh, there is that 12% chance I will have to take down all the stuff in two months, but I still have to work in the barren desert of my office until those scores from the bar exam come in. I might as well get comfortable. It could be awhile. So, naturally, as any good aspiring attorney would do, I called the secretary to come in my office and assess its decor potential. We plotted and finally settled on an appropriate design. Greens and Creams. Calming to soothe people who come in bearing their greatest problems in life. I left work, got dinner, and began to look for some office designs. I headed to Walmart. Viper and O had joined me for dinner, and are not your usual Walmart shoppers. Although, I do think they had fun. There is nothing like people watching in Walmart. You get an array of people. It is like the mecca of capitalism and all the bargain shoppers flock to it en masse to show homage to the falling prices. There is truly no place in the world like Walmart. The glory of it knows no bounds. Walmart is Walmart. It does not matter the city, state, or country. It is always an interesting place. It wasn’t long before O found some upholstery fabric for the chairs in my office. I have been groaning over their covering since I started working at the firm. Then a fake plant. The plant was in the top part of the basket blocking my view. So, naturally, I had to play crocodile hunter for awhile. Then while we were walking through some aisles, I mentioned a rug. The picked over rug aisle looked as if someone had run through it on a rampage throwing rug after rug on the floor. The aisle was a mess. Someone had clearly lost it here. The rugs left in the aisle were either expensive or ugly. I had wanted a bamboo rug, but they were all sold out. O chimed in to the rescue! She had a rug she was getting rid of, and it was the perfect color. Not bamboo, but cream. I asked her how much she wanted for it. She gave it for free. How could I ever thank her! After an interesting trip through the Walmart checkout, complete with a man telling me I should make sure I water my plastic tree. I piled my new office toys into my car went by O’s to get the rug, and got all excited about setting it all up tomorrow morning. Tomorrow, I will hang my diplomas on my wall for the very first time. Resign myself to at least two months of comfort in this office. And if things don’t work out, I have a basement to store my officewear. I feel like this is my first big step into the big adult world. I can’t wait!

Lawyer in Drag

Wed, 26 Jul 2006 00:07:11 GMT

http://msnbc.msn.com/id/14028316/

Nothing like lawyers in skirts to make your day after taking the bar exam!

Day 1 down

Wed, 26 Jul 2006 00:03:18 GMT

Ok, so I knocked out some essays. Or should I say, made up some essays! Point is, day one is over. I survived. I am still living, breathing, and alive. One more day to go. Tonight, a pedicure and a glass of wine to take the edge off for tomorrow. The worst is over. : ) And on to the MBE!!!

There is only one way to describe this feeling

Tue, 25 Jul 2006 11:46:17 GMT

The only way to describe the feeling I am feeling right now is high school pom pon tryouts. Yes, that is right. I have the exact same, excited, anxious, fearful, go gettim, feeling I had right before my pom pon try outs in high school. I don't know how my performance will go, but I am ready to perform and it is my time to perform.

In high school I might have talked to mom. I did. I called her at 6:15am. "Mom, I feel like i did at high school pom." She laughed. "Well then go out there and perform like it was high school pom." I laugh. "I think I was a little more skilled at dance than at law." We both laugh.

I sit on my bed. I remember sitting in the little chair at pom tryouts. My hair in a little curly curly ponytail. My ribbon tied just right. My shiny leotard and dance pants. My makeup done to the nines. My stomach in the exact same knots my stomach is in right now. Looking back, that tryout really did feel like if I didn't make the squad my ego would be crushed and all that money for pom would have gone down the drain. Interesting, the same things are at stake now and then. Then I would go out, dance my heart out, inevitably have to make up some dance moves because I couldn't remember them, but my confidence pulled me through.

Today, I am sitting in my hotel room. My hair pulled back in a ponytail, hair slightly curled at the ends. In a pair of comfy pants and a shirt. My flip flops by my door, my ziploc baggie of pens and stuff sitting by my door. I am ready. I am scared. I might not be good enough, but I know that my best is all I can give. My stomach is in knots. I just want this exam to start. If I don't pass my ego will be crushed and all that money for law school will go down the drain. So, naturally, a plan arises from this situation. I will go out, dance my heart out, inevitably have to make up some dance moves because I couldn't remember them, but my confidence will pull me through.

Who says I didn't learn anything worthwhile from high school pom?

Initiation Day

Mon, 24 Jul 2006 13:13:23 GMT

So, here I am. Needing to pack for the trip to the exam and finishing brushing up on last minute details (haha.) My email has been flooded with good lucks! It reminds me a bit of the day before a sorority initiation. All I am missing is a big sis, a little dress, and a basket of gifts. I only hope this is such a happy occassion. (look at that I can't even tell if I spelled occassion right. Is that right? It doesn't look right. Oh! That is irritating. Too much studying)

I look around my apartment, think about the last week. Let's call it hell week. I have been cramming so much information into my head. I have gone about 2/3 crazy. I have studied in 100 degree heat. I have studied in starbuck's, libraries, boyfriend's apartments, while walking dogs, while talking on the phone, while sitting outside another starbucks, while eating lunch, dinner, and even breakfast. I have woken up at 6:30am everyday for the last month for the first time in a decade. I have answered problem after problem. I have been completely confused by essay questions. I am still completely confused by essay questions, but I know enough now that when I am completely confused by an essay question I will just start writing something about the topic and hope it is right. Ahh!!! Bliss. Far beyond where I was even a week ago.

I know random law. By random law, I mean completely random. I can recite definitions to Partnership like poetry. (which I have never been that good at). I know all the elements of a holder in due course and all about the shelter doctrine, which ironically, has absolutely nothing to do with running and hiding from power outages. And I can bust out the standards for child maintenance, child custody, and the source of funds rule at the drop of a hat. I know venue for MO, and I am completely lost and confused by the special procedures for torts. I know about all the types of authority. The liabilities of people to other people. Assignees, Assignors, and obligors. I even know about contractors, subcontractors, and tractors. And even though I couldn't spot one in a minefield. Don't mess with PMSI!!! I know all about CODs. FOBs, and SOLs. There are purposeful availments, and minimum contacts everywhere I look. Bring it on Bar Exam. Bring it.

It has been one seriously exhausting summer. I haven't had a break since graduation. I can finally see the end in site. Pass or Fail, I can do my best. That is really all I can do, and really all that matters. If I do my best and fail, well, I will feel like and idiot for a few months but be so much further ahead of the game come February's do over. If I do my best and pass, the angels in heaven will sing and dance and throw me a freakin party. I will go to Jeff City and be sworn in and can change my name from lawyer to attorney. I have been training three years for this, or 25 years really. Ever since I read my first book. Am I scared? Yes, Definitely. But I have looked failure in the face before. I am not afraid of it anymore. The only thing on the line is really my ego and a degree I paid $200,000 for, and I can always try again.

So, here I am packing my bags for what is hopefully my last night as a pledge in this career. At least from now on I will get to be a new member, where I hear the hazing consists of late nights at the office. Not nearly as bad as this stupid test. And that is exactly what it is. A stupid test. A stupid test. I will not be beaten by a dead tree! Especially, not a dead tree made by ACT! ha! They already tried to beat me with a dead tree once before and I won. I can do it! I will do it! Orange Power!

But I can still use all your prayers. Lord knows I need every single one. And probably an army of angels. and maybe also some divine intervention. Oh, and some saints. Shoot, I don't care who you pray to, I could really use all the help I can get, and if you think buddha or Krishna can help bring em on board.

TO the Exam!!!

Mon, 24 Jul 2006 03:26:06 GMT

I leave tomorrow for the exam! Keep me in your thougths and prayers! I need all the questionst to be stuff I know about! So direct prayers accordingly!!!

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